The Best Christmas Gift

Every year around Christmas time, my parents ask me to make a Christmas list. When I was younger, I had no problem writing out an elaborate list of toys and gadgets, but as I’ve gotten older, the list has gotten smaller and more difficult to make. This year was different. The only gift I really wanted for Christmas this year was something that no amount of money could buy. I knew that if I was to only get this one thing, my heart would be so full. 

The past three years have felt like a whirl wind. Since graduating high school, I’ve moved three times, played college softball, joined a sorority, started working in the pharmacy, and continued to lead in youth ministry. In the past three years I have also had surgery to repair a torn labrum, bicep tendon, and partially torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder and consequently had to hang up my cleats, completely changed my major twice causing me to be slightly behind, stepped away from my sorority after learning a very difficult but important lesson, grieved the passing of a couple people very near to my heart, and experienced a few other hills and valleys that have come along the way. (I could write for hours about each individually, but I’ll save that for another day.) I found my self in a constant state of anxiety and unrest.  As the end of this past semester approached, I was busy finishing up some of the hardest classes I have ever taken, and I started to realize that I was rushing through life and stressing so much that I had been missing many beautiful and precious things that God has placed right in front of me. 

The only thing I really wanted for Christmas this year was to slow down and enjoy my family. In the middle of the chaos called “working college student”, I wanted to be able to have time that was not rushed without any pressing deadlines to meet, just unbothered  time with the people I love. 

    Side note: I realize that when reading the line, “In the middle of the chaos called “working college student”...” some of you may have laughed or thought to yourself “if she thinks that’s chaos...” Yes, life will only get busier in the years to come. But in this season of life, it feels chaotic. Learning to balance school, work, and church has not been the easiest task for me. 

One thing I haven’t mentioned yet is the Philippines trip. You see, I was supposed to be leaving for the Philippines on January 7, 2019. LaGrange College gave me an incredible opportunity to travel abroad during JanTerm or MayMester, and I chose the Philippines on a whim last March. Through prayer and discussion with my family, I felt like God was not calling me to go. At the beginning of December, I finally reached a final decision. I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders when I made the decision to stay home. Not only do I get a long break from school, but I have been presented with many other unique opportunities right here at home. 

This Christmas I got to relax and enjoy all of my family, and I get to continue that into the month of January. 

So I urge you, take time to slow down. Enjoy where you’re at, with the people around you, and take it all in. Life doesn’t slow down, but you can. 

I sincerely hope and pray that you and your family had a very Merry Christmas, and that 2019 brings much joy and many blessings to you. 

Ashawnty Davis, A Short Story With A Huge Purpose

As I was scrolling through my newsfeed today, I saw several quirky and upbeat posts about finals week and the Christmas season. Then as I continued to scroll down my feed, I almost scrolled past a headline that read, “A 10-Year-Old Girl Hanged Herself After “Bully” Video Was Posted On Social Media”. The young age and the words “hanged herself” obviously caught my eye, so I opened the article. In all honesty, I was skeptical of the legitimacy of the article and the credibility of the source as I began to read the story. However, the pictures of the beautiful and so precious little girl that were included in the article made the reality of this terrible tragedy set in. I felt my heart quickly shatter into a million pieces as I processed the tragic story of Ashawnty Davis, just a child who had so much life ahead of her. There are so many things I could say about this terrible story and the sad reality behind it. Instead of dissecting and analyzing each event in chronological order, I just want to discuss a couple things that are heavy on my heart. 

After seeing that post I googled “Ashawnty Davis” and there are several articles written about this same story published by other news sources. Every article concludes with the same heartbreaking ending- a girl taking her own life at a very young age. Without young age as a factor, suicide is already an extremely sad tragedy and delicate subject. In some cases, factors that contribute to an individuals decision to commit suicide are out of anyone else’s control because those factors may be unknown to anyone besides the individual. In Ashawnty’s case, however, one very obvious factor that led up to her decision to take her own life was undoubtedly controllable and preventable by others- bullying. At any age, any kind of negativity towards an individual is harmful to different extents, and people are constantly being negative towards one another. Because of this, the term “bullying” has gradually lost its significance. However, in today’s society, bullying is a real and ongoing problem especially among children and adolescents in schools. When associated with the tragedy of suicide, the significance of the term “bullying” begins to resurface. Individuals who are bullied are almost ten times more likely to commit suicide. For little Ashawnty, she was a victim of both bullying at school by her peers, and cyber bullying on social media after her peers posted the confrontational video between Ashawnty and her accused bully. Just a couple weeks after the video was posted, Ashawnty’s parents found her almost lifeless little body hanging in a closet at their homes. Two weeks later, on November 29th, Ashawnty passed away in the hospital. The clear cause of her death is suicide, but I can’t help but believe that a child that young could not possibly understand the concept of suicide or even begin to know how to deal with feelings such as the ones Ashawnty experienced leading up to her death. At the age of ten, a child lacks an abundance of knowledge but knows just enough to act impulsively without understanding the possible consequences. There are several reasons the issue of bullying needs to be given more attention, but the most important reason is to prevent the tragedy that ended Ashawnty’s life. I don’t think people realize the power of their words and actions towards others until something of this magnitude occurs, and by that point, nothing can be done to reverse or change the damage. 

I personally think the parents of Ashawnty Davis have every right to say the school could have done more to intervene. In my opinion, a tragedy like the death of a student as a result of bullying makes it very clear that the school could have gone to much greater lengths to intervene and prevent such tragedies. Children should be continuously encouraged to treat people with kindness, and their behaviors and interactions with each other should be carefully monitored. I feel like even though schools claim to have some type of anti-bullying program, efforts can always be improved and increased. With the constant progression of technology and social media, children are now able to access the internet at a young age, which presents an abundance of dangers. The internet opens up a whole new dimension for bullying through cyber bullying. Because of the accessibility of internet to children, I think all social media platforms should be blocked on grade-school’s WiFi networks, and the usage of smart phones should be prohibited during school hours. 

As for the role of parents and family members in bullying prevention, I think the foundational principles on which parents raise their kids should be based on good moral conduct and respect for others. Furthermore, I think parents should make an effort to to be so involved in the child’s life that the child feels comfortable talking about issues and emotions. I personally do not think children under the age of at least thirteen should be given any access to smartphones or social media. Even at thirteen, I think parents should carefully monitor the child’s social media, search history, and message history so that parental intervention can take place if needed. 

All that to be said, no person should ever be bullied to the point of ending their own life. A majority of society lacks sensitivity, respect, and consideration for others mainly because the human race is very self-centered. However, even the slightest increase in efforts to prevent bullying and promote kindness can make a difference. 

Little Ashawnty Davis’ life might have been short, but it was definitely not one without purpose. Her story will be used to raise awareness and ultimately save lives. I pasted a link to the story below. 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2017/12/02/health/girl-bullying-suicide-trnd/index.html

Dear High School Seniors...

Dear high school seniors,
Congratulations! You've made it! It seems like just yesterday you were a freshman, time has gone by so fast! Enjoy these last moments of your high school career- you will miss them later. Make the most of your time left with your classmates because soon you will all be going separate ways. You've come to the end of a journey that probably seemed to have taken forever. However, this is only the beginning. Before long, graduation will have passed, the celebrations will be over, and you will be packing up your room for college. The reality of moving away from home and out of your parents' care will begin to set in. If you're anything like I was, the day you move in will be a tough one. You'll be overwhelmed with a mix of emotions. Your parents will probably cry, and your siblings will be excited to use your room. You will be nervous, sad, anxious, and excited all at the same time. Meeting your roommate can be awkward, I mean, you are about to live with someone you barely know. When you're all moved in, your parents will leave and you will be on your own for the first time. After a few days, you will begin to taste an unfamiliar freedom. Your parents won't be there to give you a curfew or to say no anymore. You make your own rules! That seems awesome right? Yes, the new- found independence is quite refreshing, but be cautious. Like the saying, "With great power comes great responsibility", you now have the power to make your own decisions, so be responsible. Before long, all kinds of temptations will be thrown at you. You will give in- we all do. Don't ever forget where you came from, and never lose touch with your morals. Learn from your mistakes. Once you give in the first time, giving in will become easier. But like I said, do not lose yourself in temporary things. College will bring so many new opportunities. Step out of your comfort zone and join organizations, apply for student government, and get involved with the student body. Ladies, if your school has Greek life, rush! I came to college with no interest in joining a sorority, but everyone encouraged me to rush. Rush week was definitely out of my comfort zone, but by the end I was glad I did it. And to everyone's surprise, I am in a sorority! You will meet so many new people and soon you will have made a circle of friends. I strongly advise making friends with people who have similar goals and morals as you. Find a church group and get plugged in. Go out with friends and have fun, but try your best to maintain a balanced and healthy lifestyle. Prioritizing your time will be difficult. As a student athlete, I have been learning how to balance school, softball, work, church, Kappa Delta, and time with friends, and sleep has to fit in somewhere. In college, it is so easy to be lazy with school work. Your parents won't be there to make you go to class or stay in to do your homework. Go to class and get your school work done first. Making good grades is so much more important that sleeping in or staying out with friends. Don't forget to talk to your parents, they will always be missing you. Family time is still important. I forgot to mention that you will most likely have no extra money, but when you do have it, spend it wisely. These next four years of your life are for learning more about yourself and finding your calling. Have fun and make the most of every moment. Learn to appreciate the small things. But most importantly, please don't ever forget where you came from.

God's Way, Not My Way

Remember who you are and whose you are. When you accepted Jesus into your heart, you're identity became that of Christ. In Galatians 1:10 Paul wrote, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Identity and approval go hand in hand because it is where you seek for approval that your identity will lie. The sinful nature of humans causes us to have a natural inclination to desire approval from other humans. The problem with approval from men is that all humans possess the same sinful nature. As we seek approval from people around us, we often become consumed with meeting their standards and living up to high expectations. Other times, we alter our decisions and lifestyle to avoid disappointing people. Seeking the approval of men not only constrains us to a lifestyle of limited opportunities, but it also affects our identity. Living such a lifestyle causes us to miss what God has for us, because we become so fixed on our desires and upholding the approval of men. We forget that God has a plan already laid out for us with our best interest in mind. Often, it is hard to trust him and follow his plan because we are scared of losing something because of our human nature. We become so lost in satisfying others or meeting human expectations and standards, that we've put God's plan on the back burner because we think our plan is better. Think of a little girl with a small teddy bear, and she's standing in front of God asking her to give it up. She cries because she loves her teddy bear and doesn't want to lose it, but she doesn't see the giant beautiful teddy bear that God is holding behind his back. Whatever happens, we must trust God. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God doesn't break his promises. Life may be difficult and confusing, but God's got a reason and plan. Even when the future seems cloudy and unknown, God has an incredible purpose for where you are now, and where you will be in the future. Also, something I've learned is that without pain there would be no healing, without hardship there would be no triumph, and without sin there would be no grace and mercy. Without the flaws of human nature, God's sovereign character would mean nothing. He wouldn't have reason to demonstrate his love. God is by no means in the business of perfection. He is in the business of restoring what's been broken, and we are all broken. He makes beauty out of ashes. Think about New Testament Saul, the man who was well known for persecuting Christians. For a great part of his life, he dedicated himself to killing Christians, then one day, God made himself known to Saul, and brought Saul to his weakest by taking away his eye sight. God then told Saul what he needed to do if he wanted his eyesight back. Saul, completely blind, follows God's instructions, and God restores his eyesight. From that day on, Saul was known as Paul, one of the most influential preachers of the Gospel, one of most, if not the most well known apostles in the Bible, and a walking example of Christ's redeeming love and grace. God took a murderous & hard hearted Saul, and transformed him into a God- fearing servant of the Lord. God is constantly working in you and through you. Trust him, and trust his plan. 

I wrote this post two months ago after I returned from my fourth mission trip in Honduras. I never got around to posting it because I was "waiting on the right time". In all honesty, I forgot I even had it saved in my drafts! But here I am, two months later, and I run across this saved in my notes. I began reading what I had already written, and gradually I remembered the circumstances behind the post. As I was reading those words that I had written two months ago, it became clear to me why I had not posted it yet. God had me run across the draft I had forgotten about for two months on this day for a specific reason. When I originally wrote this post, the purpose I had in mind was for other people to read it and be encouraged. However, those words written above, are not just for other people, but for me as well. God knew that I would need to hear that message at this specific time in my life. I am going to share with you what God has been teaching me, and how he used the very words I wrote two months ago to grab my attention. 

Without disclosing all the details, I want to share what God has been doing in a specific area life for the past several months. It wasn't until yesterday that I saw clearly what God has been preparing me for. Many of my friends and family know that I have never been fond of change. I think that devil uses anxiety cloud my thoughts with worry and irrational fears of losing people, disappointing people, and failure to adjust to change. Once I get comfortable with a certain lifestyle, habit, or person, it is extremely difficult to be open to any type of change. Well in the past two days, the Lord has revealed to me that by holding onto a certain once- desired lifestyle, I have missed a number of opportunities, overlooked other joys of life, and built up walls in relationships simply so I don't disappoint. As I read the draft from two months ago, I heard God telling me to give it up and hand it over to him. I immediately had a peace come over me, and I knew that by giving up that plan I created for myself, there will be so much more room for what God wants for me. After months of battling with my anxiety and fear of disappointing people, yesterday I was finally honest with myself and God. In return, he has relieved me from the stress and burdens that I've been carrying alone for so long. By giving up my plan, things will change, adjustments will be made, but I am able to rest in the fact that God has incredible opportunities in store for me. I can be myself again without feeling compelled to hide behind what I made myself to be for so long. While I am not completely certain of my next step, I am certain that the plan God has for me is beautiful and better than any plan I could create on my own. Like Saul, I am walking into the next phase of life blind with the Lord's guidance. I am hopeful and excited for what's ahead of me, and I am beyond grateful for the joy and peace God has given me in this decision to lay down my plan and give him control. In conclusion, I hope this encouraged someone to reevaluate who they seek approval from, where their identity lies, and whether or not they are trusting God's plan rather than their own. 

Christmas This Year

“so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
‭‭//Colossians‬ ‭1:10-14‬//
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"That you may"
This verse says it all- we have been rescued out of the depths of darkness, saved & transformed by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ, [so that we may] live in a way that reflects Jesus' love and points souls toward salvation.

      Another year, another Christmas, and the choice is ours again- Will we remember the real meaning of Christmas? Every year around this time life seems to get a little bit more stressful whether it's from scrambling to get Christmas shopping done, planning trips to see family, or studying for final exams 12 days before Christmas... (That's me). It seems like the older we get, the more life gets in the way of enjoying family and friends and celebrating our Savior's birth. Satan tries to keep us distracted long enough to over look the things that really matter, and unfortunately, a lot of the time, we let him win.
      Personally, I find myself wishing Christmas could be like it was when I was younger, mostly because life was much simpler then. Now, the Christmas season seems to come and go before I even get a chance to enjoy it. The stress of trying pass finals, buying gifts, and trying to find time to relax and enjoy spending time with friends and family becomes almost overwhelming. But then, factor in the distractions and anxiety that Satan throws at us, and Christmas is pushed to the back of our minds making this season just another one of going through the motions.

     However, I don't want to spend this Christmas mindlessly enduring the stress and forgetting to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. I want to celebrate the the birth of Jesus, the one who saved me from darkness and gives me life, forgives me over and over again when I sin against him, and the one who continuously picks me up and cleans me up when I fall. Without Him, I would be nothing, have nothing, and this world would be without hope. Christmas should be a time to express gratitude to our Savior for all he blesses us with, to spend time with friends and family, and to share love with others. I realized today that Christmas Day is less than two weeks away, and I up until today I fallen into the same habit of going through the motions. But also today, I took some time to reflect on this past year, and my perspective has been realigned to where it should be. I almost feel like I need to make a list of all the journeys God has taken me on, all the blessings he has given me, and all of the incredible things he has done. Even as I am typing this post, I can feel gratitude and excitement flooding my heart. This time last year I was missing a very close friend and feeling broken for them, a family member was in a very dark place which hurt our entire family's hearts, and I was still praying relentlessly as I worried about someone very close to my heart that was so lost. Friends, let me tell you about how amazing my Jesus is! This year, not only do I get to spend Christmas with both of those friends and that family member, but I am also able to celebrate how Jesus has worked in each of their hearts, healed so much brokenness, and is continuing to do incredible things in each situation! I have so much joy in my heart and I pray that it will overflow into my actions and words over the rest of this Christmas season. My goal this Christmas is that I show my gratitude for Jesus' love and to express my love to my friends and family. I hope you will join me in making this Christmas different, and showing Christ's love to everyone around you!

Life Today as a Follower of Christ

Lately, or should I say over the past several months, I've been learning the truth about humanity and the world. I've gotten older, I've been given more freedom, and I've had to make some decisions own my own, so naturally, I have been more immersed into reality and less confined by the "Christian bubble".  I am extremely grateful for my Christian upbringing, and I know that the Christian school environment, Sunday school gatherings, and sheltered social life has protected from many harmful things in life. But now that I am a teenager, and life really leaves no other choice, I have become exposed to lifestyles and trends outside Christianity. At first, it was scary, and I thought it was all terrible. I was so comfortable and content with my sheltered Christian life. My child- like faith had been so dependent on the rules and morals that my parents instilled in me. But the inevitable, or what I believe to be unavoidable, soon happened. I started to become curious about the way my friends outside of Landmark and Church were living, and then I became fascinated. Before long, I had let down my guard and began to dabble in ways outside of my Christian foundation. That was just the beginning of learning the world for me. Most people know my testimony and that I personally invited Jesus to live in me and guide my heart a couple years ago. I knew when I made that commitment that accepting Jesus doesn't make me excusable or an exception to sin and the evil in the world. It set me apart, but it didn't remove me from the world completely. Since dedicating my life to Christ, I have lived by the verse in the Bible in which God calls us to live in the world but not to be of the world. Also, since making that decision, Satan has tried even harder than before to destroy me. This year especially, I have consciously put myself in situations that are messy, unstable, and potentially dangerous. I recognize that I can't fulfill my purpose as a follower of Christ if I purposely avoid life outside of Church and school. Because of what my mom would call my tendency to gravitate towards messy situations and brokenness- temptation, sin, destruction, and brokenness have been all around me. Though I continue to seek guidance from the Lord and wise council, my feet have slipped from time to time. Sometimes my judgement gets fogged with what the world says is ok and mixes in with what the Bible and my faith says is good. I can't pretend that I always make the right choices or that I am not tempted, and because I want people to see Jesus in me, I believe people also need to see my imperfections. Over the past year or two, I have made wrong choices, I have used poor judgement, I have temporarily forgotten who I was, and I have experienced brokenness within myself, and I recognize the wrong in all of it. I claim my mess and I own it, but I have given it all to God, who forgives and makes me new. It is so hard to live in this world as a seventeen year old, especially as a seventeen year old follower of Christ. Sometimes I feel like the entire world is against me and is trying to make me fall. But again, I proclaim, and I will continue to proclaim, that Christ is victorious in and over EVERYTHING. Even in the most trivial times, the darkest moments, and seemingly hopeless circumstances, the Lord overcomes. I know I have written similar posts to this before, but God's love never seizes to amaze me! There is nothing greater than Christ's affection for us, and his heart for his children. When he sees us slip and fall, he is always the first one there to pick us up. He is our healer, our comforter, our protector, and our giver of life, and without him, we are weak. Apart from Jesus, there is no permanent cure for depression, no sincere joy or peace, no total healing for brokenness, and ultimately no eternal life. God is good, and I am so thankful for his grace. I pray for the people in my life that have yet to grab hold of Christ's promises, and I pray that they may see a glimpse of his goodness through me. I pray for the Christians in this world, that we may not lose sight of truth and hope. His hope is everlasting and unfailing and we can rest in the peace of his promises. 

Jesus As The Standard

Self worth or identity in Christ? Obviously, from a secular view, those are two completely different concepts. However, for those of us who have chosen salvation, self worth and identity in Christ go hand in hand. Self worth can be defined as how you view yourself. Whether it be outward or inward, everyone feels a certain way about themselves. Girls are especially critical of their bodies, personalities, and lifestyle. The world has created an image of "perfect" beauty, shape, and lifestyle, and it has been branded on every young female's mind. Naturally, the young girl who only wants everyone to think she's beautiful or "hot" is going to obsess over striving to meet the world's standards of beauty. They begin to degrade themselves to try to impress and fit the world's definition. A lot of times, girls find themselves in a state of depression because they aren't able to attain the world's approval of appearance and lifestyle. Their expectations have been set too high on the wrong scale and a cycle of low self esteem has begun. However, Christian girls have been given a completely different definition of "perfection". Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." God created each person uniquely in his own image. The God of the universe took time to mold each individual to perfection in his eyes. When God's children are not content with the body he created, it burdens him. Not only were humans created beautifully inside and out in His eyes, but also are given a totally new identity after redemption. God's redeeming love offers a new start to life and also a new mold to define oneself.                      2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." Beauty is re-defined in the hearts of God's beloved. Instead of seeking beauty of body, shape, and lifestyle-as defined by the world, Christians have been called to define beauty according to God's Word. God desires for his children to be confident in the body he created, and then to strive to live like Jesus. Inward beauty is more valuable, but how could we, dirty sinners, be beautiful on the inside? Well, because Jesus has covered up the dirty with his blood, so now when God looks at us, he sees his son.  The only human that any person should ever compare themselves to is Jesus Christ. Why? Because he lived in flesh and overcame evil. He gave his life for anyone who chooses to accept his gift. Those who chose to receive Christ have his spirit dwelling in them. Basically, we have given up our own identity in flesh to an identity defined by Jesus who dwells in us. Galatians 3:27 "For as many of you were baptized into Christ have put on Christ." So instead of defining your self worth by what the world says, find your worth in Jesus. You will find that to Him you are worth him giving up his own life. Strive to live according to God's truth, and let that be the only standard to which you compare. Women, clothe yourselves in the truth found in Proverbs 31, and men, strengthen your hearts to be the leader you were called to be. Put on the armor of God and practice the fruits of the Spirit, and the image of worldly "perfection" will soon fade.